In numerous groups where I’ve talked to women about money, the biggest question at the beginning of the session is ‘ Where does the money go?’ Other comments often reflect this, ‘It just disappears’ ‘It seems to slips through my fingers.’ Yesterday blog ‘5 easy tips to stop your money disappearing.’ was a practical blog stating things that anyone could do. Yet I found it uncomfortable because I know that if creating a good relationship with money was as simple as cancelling unwanted direct debits everyone would be doing it. Money for many of us isn’t quite that simple. It’s multi-layered affected by what’s in our head, our hearts and our hands.
I’d like you to withhold judgement as I tell you about Susan, a bright, articulate and professionally successful woman. Susan had always found money very difficult and was very ashamed of how she’d handled money in the past. She needed to pull in the purse strings for a year or two after her marriage had ended. Shopping trips were highly stressful as she didn’t feel able to put limits on what she spent on the children. During coaching she recognised that she was terrified her children would reject her if she said no to their request. The coaching process helped her understand where her thoughts, feelings and actions were coming from and to see them for what they were belonging in the past, freeing her to do her money in a new way. The coaching helped her talk about things that had previously been taboo, challenged the beliefs she had about herself and set her on the way to a good relationship with money
When I met her a few months after her coaching she said something very powerful ‘I feel clean’ going on to describe how shopping trips had now become so much easier. They no longer went shopping with all of Susan’s fears, frustrations and anxiety about money. Instead, if they went out to buy something that is what they bought, job done!
So often questions like ‘Where does the money go?’ start very different conversations that go deeper than the surface. That’s where the magic is, in there with the rawness, fear and worry, the root of real change in your money life
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